Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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