sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
