I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
