3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
