Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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