well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
