it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
