When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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