I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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