Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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