if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
