I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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