Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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