you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
