It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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