her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
