bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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