Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
