so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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