I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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