He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
