im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
