it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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