You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
