Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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