This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
