So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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