I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
