Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
