She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
