She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
