when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.