In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
