All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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