R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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