Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
God, I missed his penis.
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