I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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