Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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