Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
