it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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