Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
