Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize