No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
