He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize