My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
