You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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