Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
