I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize