Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
