having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
