I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
