I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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