So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
