Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
