I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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