Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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