okay pat passed out under dana's car
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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