So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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