Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
