So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my vagina is haunted
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
