Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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